An Operated Prism

 "What best describe you?" This is one of the most persistent questions that bothers me all the time. Sometimes, when I am asked to describe or even simply introduce myself, I feel uneasy. Candidly, I'm not definite on how I would do it, or this. When I try to describe myself, I sometimes find contradictory descriptions true - I would say I am hardworking, but if someone calls me lazy, I'll simply agree. There are also times that I just don’t really have the courage or the confidence to use those seemingly prodigious adjectives to describe me. On top of that, I am not certain of what others think of me and that, perhaps, is what makes me nervous and self-conscious enough to find it so hard to describe my own self.

I’m not really sure, what is the meaning of life. I seem to be lost, in an endless journey of searching for answers and looking for new directions. However, I am constantly trying and pushing myself to always create a better understanding of who I am and what this life means to me. I also appear to have a clear vision of what future I desire to have. I frequently build castles in the air, while hoping that one day everything will come true. Lately, I have been daydreaming about genuinely being delighted for merely existing and perhaps living in a place that I can define as my own little version of the Elysian Fields – nonetheless, it is a journey that can’t be achieved alone. It is a process of learning, growing, and finding meaning in each day. Presently, I don’t really have the enthusiasm to exist, it is just that sometimes it is exhausting to be here, in this world. Though I am thankful to a few people who are making my hair-raising life much better, and for continuously adding some bits of bliss and excitement. 

I have a severely limiting, somewhat distorted, and frequently contradictory view of myself. To make matters worse, I am both the observer and the observed. There is simply no way to step outside of myself and discover who I truly am. As a result, I rely on observation and analysis to create a mental image of myself. Our self-image, which is a self-constructed and operated prism, is hazy at best. This prism, which has such sway over how I perceive the world and my place in it, has taken me by surprise. Perhaps if I am observant enough, I will recognize this fallacy, and this realization frequently raises further doubts in my mind whenever I attempt to define myself. 

Photo Reference: 

https://artstormer.com/2011/02/17/prism-party-light-paintings-by-stephen-knapp/

("Prism Party", Light Paintings by Stephen Knapp)